Parasite Galaxy - Stop Hitting Yourself!
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Comic 258 - Stop Hitting Yourself!

8th Oct 2015, 7:35 PM in Stop Hitting Yourself!
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Stop Hitting Yourself!
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Author Notes:

8th Oct 2015, 7:35 PM
The first page of ch 16, also it's been a long time coming, but here's the next part of Tempura Pandas origin story starting with a more detailed recap of his death. This also answers the question of why he had a tendency to kill people who ate Sushi or Ramen.

This second story also introduces a character who will be a villain later on in the comic.

The fall of Tempura Panda pt 2

Within the depths of what was presumably space, within the inky blackness a lone yellow and purple speck floated. But this was not space, not ordinary space. Only moments ago the entire earth had been annihilated by an enormous incomprehensible force, the likes of which drove mortals to madness upon even catching a glimpse of it. The mighty goddess of destruction, Muucurion had descended on the blue speck like a swarm of hungry locusts. After tasting the world it was swallowed into the inky blackness of her void of a stomach.

The lone speck floating among the blackness was not just a speck either. Upon closer examination it appeared to be what was left of a tiny bear the size and shape of a child’s teddy bear, but the parts of it that hadn’t been incinerated in the holocaust that devoured the planet were covered in what appeared to be Tempura. This was Tempura Panda, or what was left of him. His mind flickered in and out of consciousness as his magic struggled to repair the massive damage done to his body in the disaster. Initially there was much less of him left but it had managed to regenerate about half of his upper torso. It was a losing battle though. There was no light where the little bear was going, only the frigid darkness of the void. Even as his power struggled to keep his body warm, to pump new blood through his veins, frost accumulated on his skin, his organs began to freeze.
Slowly his mind began to flicker with consciousness. His first thought was Shinna, he was dazed and disoriented, the last thing he had seen was a blinding light, brighter than a thousand suns, he never felt the heat of the blast as it had immolated every nerve in his body. He didn’t know what had happened, all he knew was that blinding light and then all his senses left him. He vaguely recalled trying to hang onto the arm of the little girl, to protect her from whatever had come. For some reason it felt lighter than it should have though, almost as if it had separated from her body. But he had no time to think of it though, his consciousness left him only moments later.

“Shinna…Shinna? Where are you Shinna? Shinna I’m scared! Please say something!” Tempura Pandas vocal cords no longer worked, had he the ability to do so he would most likely be sobbing but his cries were all internal. Even if he were able to talk it would not matter, he was in the vacuum of space, there was no air to carry his cries. No one would hear his sobs, his sorrow would reach no ears, save for one, or perhaps two.

Not too far from him was a lone asteroid that had been swallowed but not yet destroyed by Muucurions stomach. Atop the rock sat a little green dog. Tempura Pandas eyes no longer worked, yet he received a mental image of the dog in his mind looking at him with its little beady eyes. Maybe this animal could help him, he had to ask it to help him find Shinna. Before he could however a second impression came into his mind’s eye much stronger then the dog. A tiny girl with tentacles, a horn and a scorpion tail no larger than the dog stood before him floating in the blackness, a shimmering green aura around her. “Shinna is dead.” He heard her say in his mind. His heart sank! Death, the one thing he feared more than any other, the one thing that could absolutely take his one friend from him. But no, Shinna couldn’t be dead, she promised she wouldn’t die!

“De-Dead? No…Shinna promised, you promised…you promise…” he could no longer think straight as he tried with all his might to deny what this creature had told him. Internally he cried, externally there was only frozen blood in place of tears beneath his nonfunctioning eyes.

“Shhhh…the night is here, it’s time to lay your head down to rest.” His nerves no longer worked, but he could feel the immense presence of the creature before him. The image she now projected was of a woman of human size of similar form to the initial tiny form she had. But in the back of his mind was another impression he couldn’t quite make out. The woman with the tentacles was only what it wanted him to see, its true form was a monster so vast and alien it was beyond what human eyes could comprehend. One of her hands grasped what was left of his tiny body, the magic that had been working so hard to repair his mortal wounds immediately stopped as she touched him. He could sense something snap from the side of his head, she had removed something. “None can cross the abyss intact. You can meet Shinna again in your next life.” He seemed to get the impression this thing was smiling at him as it said that. In the next instant he knew only blackness as his consciousness was obliterated. It was cold, so very cold….

Sometime later

The being known as K-5 walked alone through the depths of one of the dimensions that had formed within one of the stomachs of Muucurion. She was a presence that had existed long before this universe, long before Muucurion. A being older and stranger then any Tempura Panda had ever met existing beyond good and evil her purpose was one veiled in myster. The form she most often chose was that of a woman with tentacles a tale and three boobs but her true form was one the human mind was incapable of understanding. She came upon a misty plane, dimly lit by what appeared to be glowing watermelons. In the palm of her hand was a single blue eyeball. She glanced down at it seeing the many possible timelines and possibilities branching off from what she was about to do, picking the one that she chose to observe before digging a small hole in the ground and planting it like a seed. “May this seed bring a bountiful crop” she said before vanishing, leaving as mysteriously as she came. Time passed, no one really knew how much. One day, or night perhaps more, no one really knew here, the ground began to stir.

A small black paw emerged from the dirt. Following this the small teddy bear like body of Tempura Panda emerged into the misty cavern. “Sh-Shinna!” He could speak now, it wasn’t just in his mind he could move his body. Had he been asleep? Was that a nightmare? But if so where was he? He looked around at his unfamiliar surroundings, his stomach felt like ice as he remembered what that creature had said, it couldn’t be true! “Shinna! Please answer me! Shinna!” he called out but got no response, tears went down his face as he began to cry. He didn’t know how long he cried but it was a long time, he hoped that Shinna would come as she always did when he got scared or sad and would say it was ok but no one came. In his distraught state he couldn’t concentrate enough to fly, all he could do was wobble about on his little legs as he searched in vain for his friend in the scary caverns. He stumbled and fell, what he saw through his teary eyes scared him to his core. A monster with gleaming red eyes like coal was looking back at him from the ground. For a moment he was paralyzed in fear, unable to move. The beast looking back at him didn’t move either. It wasn’t well lit due to the darkness of the tunnel, but he could make out that it was about the same size as he was. Slowly he got his nerves together, he couldn’t die here, and somewhere Shinna must be lost and afraid down here too. He had to find her, he couldn’t let this thing eat her. Slowly he began to move, at the same time the beast moved too. He waved a paw, so did the beast. It slowly dawned on him, what he was seeing wasn’t a monster, it was his own reflection, it was shadowed but its outline was the same as his body.
But what happened to his eyes? The eyes looking back at him were not the cool blue eyes he was used to seeing. No these were the eyes of some beast out of his deepest nightmares. Looking at his reflection in the puddle and seeing those eyes shook him to his core. What had happened to him? He had no more time to think of it as he heard something coming.

“Ey now wut do we ave ere?” a voice said in a cockney accent. He turned to see a bizarre creature, a green man with pointy ears dressed in the fur of what appeared to be a giant wolf sized black mouse. “Ey Swag I think I found something good!”

“Oy what’s that now? Wut is that one of those Quuwala bear things?” A second similar creature said, this one was fatter then the first.

“What the devils a quuuwala bear doing down here?” The first one asked. The little bear glanced between the two creatures, these things bore some resemblance to the orcs he saw on planet earth but something seemed different about them, they were much smaller. They also smelled a lot worse. Whatever they were, he had a bad feeling about them. He slowly began to crawl away. “Ey now don’t be runnin off there quuuwala!” the fat one said as it blocked his path leveling a spear with his face. TP let out a small squeak in fear as he backed away.

“S-Stay back! I’m a bear! A ferocious bear…I…I’ll maul you! Grrrrrr!”

“Oy he’s a scary one aint he! Why don’t we bring em to the boss, he can use em as fodder in the games!” The first creature joked. He walked over to TP who pawed at the air harmlessly in his general direction while growling.

“Hehe aint dat cute…but what’s with his eyes? Looks like he’s got a little bon fire goin on in his brain aint he!”

“This il be fun, little twerp like dis one proly won’t last a single night!” he reached down ready to grab him, fear again…but then another feeling. These creatures, they wanted to keep him from Shinna! How dare they! How dare they get in his way! He would kill anyone that got in his way! Before the fat ones hand could touch him, he swiped his paw.

Tempura Panda had learned the hard way that he was not a ferocious bear in the past. He learned that he was not a beast to be feared, no he was only a friend made by a lonely child to help keep her company. In spite of that he had tried to train himself to become stronger, he had seen firsthand the many scary and dangerous things in the world. The intimidating orcs, the cruel magical girl Martian Assassin and that monstrous alien pony like creature. Whenever Shinna wasn’t around he trained, he would try to scare Fliskers the cat, something significantly less fearful then those beings. Yet for all the times he pawed at the air, for all the growling he had done, the cat had never reacted in anything more than annoyance to his antics. These two smelly creatures were not cats, pawing at the air and growling should not deter them.

The creature that had reached for him yowled in pain, his fore arm had just been separated from his body as blood gushed from the wound! Extending from his tiny paw were three long metallic blades, now dripping with the creatures blood. Tempura Panda did a double take as it took a moment to process what had happened as he looked at the wounded creature and then black to his paw glistening with its blood. “Aaahhhhhh!” Tempura Panda screamed in confusion and fear as the blades immediately retracted.

The second creature reached inside its sack and took out what appeared to be a primitive looking scepter with a glowing blue rock capping it off. “Looks like ya got a bit more fight in ya then I thought. Let’s see how ya like this ya little rat!” Tempura Panda cried out in pain as a blinding bolt of lightning leapt from the scepter striking him down. In the next moment all he knew was blackness.

In the depths of one of the dimensions humans knew as hell lived an Oni. His name was Kichirikirimaru, roughly translated this meant “precise cut boy”. Ever since a young age he trained both his mind and body in both the culinary arts as well as the way of the samurai. Both mentally and physical he was like a blade, precise, sharp and deadly. Rumor had it he had trained under the god of war Susanoo himself while honing his skills with the blade. He dressed in the garb of a samurai warrior crossed with a sushi chef, at his side were two giant gleaming sushi knives the size of machetes.

Kichirikirimaru ran an establishment that catered to a very specific crowd. It appeared to be a restaurant that served Sushi and Ramen to oni like himself. However it was no ordinary sushi and no ordinary ramen. All the food here was laced with the energetic essence of terror and other powerful emotions the oni loved to eat. There was no spice like suffering, no sauce like despair and his kind loved the flavor of both. It was best from humans, but getting humans wasn’t always easy. Usually they had to be tricked into coming down here, once in a while a sewer elf or an oni under his employ might find a way into the human world to bring back some “ingredients”, but not often. There were other beings that worked well enough too so he often had to make due with them. Some of them would be tortured as their essence was siphoned into his food. Other times they were made to fight one another to the death in a gladiatorial arena as his customers watched. Their emotions were siphoned and then transferred to the very food they ate.

It was then two of his employees arrived at his office. These were the sewer elves Swag Shitstrom and Starfucker. These two good for nothings were on loan to him from Spoo, the princess of the sewer elves and a fellow member of Anonymous. Spoo was an insufferable girl that he hated to work with but it was better to build bridges then walls when forming relationships with his fellow members. He then looked at Swags right arm, it had been severed at the elbow and was now bandaged. “Swag…I see you ran into some trouble. Spoo will be upset if her underlings come back in pieces, what happened?” He said as he drummed his fingers on the table.

“What happened is this little rat!” Starfucker held up the sack with Tempura Panda in it. Inside the sack they could hear what sounded like a crying rabbit.

“Mmmmmmm yes….I can smell its emotion. Such fear, such sadness….a delectable delicacy…for once it seems you two did well. A different flavor then human emotion, but I dare say it may be even more delicious. My customers will be most pleased with this, if you will open the sack, let me see it.”

“Ey, you sure bout dis boss? That thing took off my arm!”

“And yet it can’t escape your sack. I don’t know what happened, but it no longer seems to have any fight left in it!” Reluctantly Starfucker opened the sack dropping the little bear onto the floor. With wide eyes full of fear he looked up at Kichirikirimaru who stood before him. “Hmmmm…interesting, this smell…it smells of Tempura!” Kichirikirimaru said in annoyance. Kichrikirimaru was a man of very specialized tastes, he considered Tempura to be a side dish unworthy of a master chef of the sushi arts. Whenever anyone tried to convince him that both types of food had their places he would have a tendency to silence said individual and turn them into sushi to be served with his blades.

“What is this thing? What are you?” he asked looking down at the little bear who just sobbed harder as it tried to back into the corner, lighting fast he appeared in front of it, his knife elongated as it pressed against his throat “I asked you a question little bear. What exactly are you? Where did you come from?”

He sniffed back another sob, his little heart was beating like a race car, this devilish horned man was going to kill him. He was going to die, if he died here Shinna would surely die too. He had to do something, but how could he fight this man? It didn’t matter this man was in his way, he was standing between him and his Shinna. “GRRRRRRRR!” another emotion, anger, not as tasty as fear, but it wasn’t bad either. Kichirikirimaru smiled as he tasted it and pressed his blade closer to his throat, with the slightest contact it formed a paper thin cut. TP didn’t have to move his body to attack however. Instinctually his mouth opened, a long snake like appendage launched from his mouth tipped with several spikes. It shot at the oni’s face with the intent of ramming a hole through it. In an instant however Kichirikirimaru vanished. Faster than TP could see, the man reappeared at his side.

“It seems I have cut another worthless object” he said as his knife shrunk back to normal size. TP looked to see the weird tong like appendage he had tried to attack with laying on the floor in several pieces, his mouth tasted of his own blood and he felt a sharp pain where his toung had been. He hadn’t even seen the man cut him. Then he felt a slight pain in both arms. He heard two thuds as both of his arms fell to the ground severed from his body. Letting out a cry he began to sob in pain, the fight gone from him once more as he rolled on the ground crying. “Hmmmm…” Kichirikirimaru looked closely at the little bear as he writhed in pain on the ground. His eyes could see more than just the bloody mess he had made, they could make out the bears energy slowly repairing his wounds. “Take him to one of our empty cells. He won’t die from just that. Tomorrow he will fight one of our other guests. If we play our cards right, this one may live through multiple fights.” The oni announced.


TP sat in the darkened cell crying, he barely notice the tendons and sinew forming new arms from the sockets at his shoulders. “Shinna….why did you leave me alone? Why did you abandon me? Did you decide to become an adult and forget me? Did you die? You promised you would never leave me…you promised you would always love me…why don’t you love me anymore? Where did you go? Where are you? Are you alone like me? Are you in pain like me? Please be alive….please be ok…please love me! Please don’t abandon me! Please don’t kill me!” such thoughts repeated endlessly in his head. In his short Life Shinna had been his only friend, his only family,his only anchor in the world he knew, quite literally the only one he could talk to. Now others could talk to him and Shinna was gone. Shinna had been kind, she had been like a mother to him. But these others who could talk to him now, they weren’t kind. He hated them, he wanted them to die, he wanted to maul them like a ferocious bear. As the thoughts of hatred for his captors came into his head, his vestigial arm grew faster, hair and tempura crust forming on it and then those three metallic blades emerged from his paw.

“Holy shit! You keep those away from me!” he heard a voice say. He looked to the other end of the cell to see a dirty looking man in a loin cloth. He was bald with dirty tannish grey skin and had a tattoo of a flaming unicorn on his torso.

“Y-You look human…but your skin it’s not blue, you don’t have a barcode. Who are you?” every stranger he had met so far had been monstrously cruel to him. He eyed this new man with suspicion as he slowly backed away.

“Well they call me Hotrod-9, professional gigolo at your service, or at least I was before those dirty freaks grabbed me.”

“W-what’s a gigolo? It sounds kind of like a donut…” the little bear asked innocently.

“You don’t have to worry about that. What you should worry about is what those freaks are planning to do to us. Tomorrow, one of us…maybe both of us are going to die.” Hotrod-9 said with grim resignation to his situation.

“I…I can’t die….not until I find my Shinna…” he said with new resolve as his talons retracted. “And I’ll kill anyone who gets in my way!” he finished with an animalistic growl.